Just Friends

Sounds like you and Dougy are
becoming an item,”
I Dr Suarez said to
Dorcas. We had tried to catch up for a
while, and each time she had been
doing something with Dougy. “No,” she
replied. “I just like hanging out with him. We enjoy a lot of the same things,
and have wonderful talks. But he is just
a friend.”
“Why isn’t he more?” I asked.
“Oh I don’t know. Whatever that thing
is that attracts you to someone- I just don’t have it with Dougy. But I do like
him a lot and I like being his friend.”
“I can appreciate that,” I said. “Not
everyone is meant to fall in love. Do you
have the ‘thing’ you describe
happening somewhere” “Yeah I do.” I could tell as she said yes
that not all was well with whomever the
‘thing’ was with. “His name is Denver,
and I have been dating him for about 3
months. I have the thing with him, that
is, I am really attracted to him in the more than friends kind of way. But
there are issues.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Well, I don’t know how to describe it. I
am drawn to him in a physical, romantic
kind of way. I get all thew butterfly stuff, you know. I think about him a lot
and want to be with him. But after all
that stuff, I don’t know what I am
doing.”
“What do you mean ‘you don’t know
what you are doing’” I asked. “Well there is a lot of romance and that
kind of thing. Not that we are sleeping
together, but a lot of physicality in the
relationship. And I have a lot of falling
in love feelings. But there is a lot more
than that when I really look at it. We really don’t talk a lot about serious
things. It is just this dynamic and
longing to be with him that I cant really
explain. Then there are some things
about him that I really would not
normally choose. He is not deep spiritually, And he seems kind of driven
in some other ways. And sometimes he
really does not communicate. But I
know that I am falling for him in some
way that I cannot describe,” she said. “I
feel some sort of aliveness when I am with him. There is a deep part of me
that he gets to, even though we have
kind of a shallow relationship. Doesn’t
make sense, huh?”
“Sounds like to me that you feel you are
‘in love’ with Denver, but have a lot more of a real relationship with Dougy.”
In fact it sounds like to me you need to
find someone with both of these things.
The deep connection and ability to
share things that matter, communicate,
and have fun with like Dougy and also the spark and chemistry that you have
with Denver.”
“Yeah. That would be nice. But it seems
I always have these two types in my
life. There is the kind of guy that I like
and the kind I fall in love with. I have never found them together in the same
one.” She sounded almost weary as she
described her dilemma. I could see that
Dorcas was headed for another
heartache. Truth is she had done this a
few times before and I needed to warn her that she was headed down the
same path again. She always allowed
the chemistry she had with someone
blind her to some very important and
essential things for a good and lasting
relationship. In short she was falling in love with men that she would not
choose to be friends with. She would
go with men who did not share her
values, depth of communication, her
interests and many other aspects about
her life. There would just be this attraction that she did not have the
ability to justify in a rationale sense. The
attraction was strong but unfulfilling
and then she would have all other
needs met by Dougy.
To be continued......